Hey, remember me? The eager beaver blogger who dropped off the face of the earth for months? I don’t even have a good excuse to explain my disappearance. I mean, life is happening, so that counts for some of it but sometimes when I am “doing my do” I lack the ability to articulate my experience. And then I got a much needed (and appreciated) nudge from my friend, Kate and a post is born.
So, what I want to share is a really touchy subject. I tend to avoid discussing my religious vs. spiritual internal debate because the last thing I want to do is alienate anyone but I am all about living my life as truthfully as possible.
The truth, MY truth…I will start here because it is the fundamental core of what defines how I view the world and my place in it.
I was raised in a family that was very active in the Methodist Church. You could say it’s the “family business”. I participated heavily in many activities such as Sunday school, choir and Youth Group. I met one of my closest friends there, learned how to be a leader and fed my love of music. It was a large part of how I defined myself for a really long time. It was a safe place filled with people that I love and a clear defining element in my life. I was content until my crisis of faith came along. I know, how dramatic, right? But to be fair, I was fourteen and was forced to grow up quickly after my brother was seriously injured in an accident. It flipped my life around and I realized that NOTHING made sense to me. All of the After School Special clichés applied: scared, fearful and of course, angry with God and life in general. I couldn’t wrap my brain around how this experience could jive with what I had believed so I went numb for a long time and just showed up in body but no longer in mind or spirit. I wanted to make my peace but I couldn’t help deconstructing all that I had learned and believed. It bears knowing that in all of this I never stopped believing in a connection to God or Goddess or Spirit. I have always known that there is something out there that is bigger than me yet I couldn’t reconcile how God was all powerful and all knowing and faultless when there are murderers, rapists , predators and terrorists destroying the precious lives that God created. It was an internal struggle that lasted for many years.
Since I felt isolated in this debate I didn’t really worry too much about it until my girls came along and the questions started. They occasionally attend church with my parents and in-laws and are little sponges. They would come home with so many questions about what they had learned and I found myself put on the spot. I don’t purposefully keep them from religion but I want them to have an open mind and learn that people believe in different things and it’s ok. That sounded right but I couldn’t figure out how that made sense in my life. How was I going to explain to my kids what it meant to me? I am moral person. I try not to judge. I don’t hate people based on their lifestyle or religious backgrounds that differ from mine. I also do not believe for one red hot second that God does either. That left me with the question: who is God and how do we relate to each other? Is it all about some esoteric nebulous belief or is there something more tangible that I can intimately relate to? Could it be that God is in each of us? Was God....(gulp) in me? And for the first time in many years I finally got the answer I was looking for. The answer was "yupperdoodles, babycakes". I was looking for God everywhere else but within myself.
Ok, so now what? How do I find God in myself? This is how I see it: each of us is blessed with a conscience. We all know right from wrong because we feel it in our “gut”, so to speak. Let’s call it our inner-voice for lack of a better word choice. If you sit still, take a deep breath and listen, your inner-voice will respond. We are not socialized to listen to this because so much of our culture is counter-intuitive. We don’t trust our instincts because we don’t listen to ourselves. But here’s the kicker….that is God in us. Our intuition, the clearest connection to self, is our truth. Everyone one of us is blessed with truth, whatever that may be. By acknowledging and living in that truth we are honoring ourselves and God. I am not saying that this is a simple feat because it's not but it is who we are in our simplest form. It was the first time that I was able to stop feeling guilty for no longer being a religious person and began to life my life clearly as a spiritual person. It felt like coming home.
I recently read an article about the possible dangers of the “trendy phrase” spiritual but not religious a.k.a. SBNR. First of all how happy am I to know that there are people like me that resonate with this definition? Did you know there is a Wikipedia page and a book written by Robert C. Fuller about the subject? The article broaches the argument of whether SBNR’s are spiritually complacent or individuals that take responsibility for his/her relationship with God. Personally, I found the article bent to the “pro religion” team but it is interesting none the less. **check it out below.
So this begs the question: am I just being spiritually lazy? Is religion just “too hard”? If following a belief system that doesn’t represent who I am and makes me feel like a hypocrite, then yes, it’s too hard because I am not living truthfully. I do not judge someone that chooses a religious path if that is his/her truth but please do not assume that religion is harder. Having been a church goer I can say, from personal experience, that it is more challenging but fulfilling for me to live my life as a constant spiritual experience seeing God in everyone I meet. My every thought and action contributes to a larger consciousness rather than a secular experience. There is a sacredness that motivates me to be the best human I can and to show my girls how to find God and truth in themselves. It also makes me a happier person and I trust that happiness if one of God’s gifts.
Well, that’s my journey, struggle, enlightenment – however you chose to define it. Take it, leave it. Tell me (as nicely as possible) to cram it where the sun don’t shine. I appreciate your taking the time to read it and I hope it provokes some thought. How ever you live your life please know that I hope it brings you peace. If it doesn’t, know your truth is never too far away. It’s your blessing so enjoy it.
Namaste
** Here is the article so you can decide for yourself.
http://www.google.com/url?q=http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/personal/06/03/spiritual.but.not.religious/index.html&sa=U&ei=nFUvTNqgGYW8lQfXio2xCQ&ved=0CBQQFjAA&usg=AFQjCNE9LRxFLMwr-P85_U_gtWzaEApwew
